Sat. Jul 13th, 2024
David Tennant – a knife or what?

In its continuing campaign to take all the fun out of everything, Whitehall is considering an EU scheme for speed limiters in new cars. In theory, the moment you hit the speed limit, the car’s power cuts off. I once had a Triumph Herald like that.

According to the old adage, radio drama is superior to TV drama “because the pictures are better”. The new Radio 4 production of Macbeth, starring David Tennant, will put that to the test. When Macbeth famously asks: “Is this a dagger which I see before me?” in the radio version it might just as well be an egg whisk. Sorry for planting that image in your mind.

According to teachers at the NASUWT union conference, schools are cramped not just because of bigger class sizes but because pupils themselves have got bigger. Teachers say they feel they have “entered the land of the giants” when they walk into class. Why has it taken so long for academia to recognise what the rest of us noticed ages ago? Kids are huge. More than 20 years ago on a press trip to Scotland we were served by a teenage couple, each at least 6ft. A fellow hack leaned across and whispered: “You know they’re from Mars, don’t you?”

My bank keeps trying to sell me “the current account that goes the extra mile”. It is much like the current account I already have, except that it costs £15 a month. The deal includes travel insurance and roadside vehicle recovery but, as the small print explains, there’s no guarantee these policies will actually cover you. So that could be £15 a month for, er, nothing.

The Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, describes the Government’s plan to ship migrants to Rwanda as “the opposite of the nature of God”. So which God would that be? The vindictive God of the Old Testament who created humans, made them sinful and then punished them for sinning? Or the God of the New Testament who seemed quite relaxed about slavery? Or perhaps the inclusive, genderfluid God who seems to have taken root in so many parishes today? How can anyone know what is opposite to the nature of God when the nature of God is such a puzzle?

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